After a few really good days today has felt really hard. Right from the moment I went to bed last night - too late, with one daughter having not been able to get off to sleep and with marking not done that needed doing before the lesson.

Got in to find technician was out ( am ICT coordinator in a middle school). This has all sorts of repercussions, not least that I need to update our school website tomorrow and this can't be done from school. I'm getting pressure from the head to update, but can only do it at home, with all kinds of problems in terms of getting the files from school to home, not to mention the fact that I try not to work in the evenings.
Today is one of my heaviest teaching days as I teach in the ICT room nearly all day.
The technician greeted me with the need to update the web site - something which I can't do! She also started to tell me something that I just couldn't grasp. Another member of the support staff then told em she had ordered some books - but I didn't need them ordering, just paying for as they were on approval. On to lessons. Teaching in the ICT room is always hard workk as the pupils need so much support.
Today I was tackling something I knew would challenge my pupils - they have been writing a story and today were putting it into a book. The tool I needed (to turn off the track changes) was not on the pupils' toolbars, and I couldn't figure out how to do it - fortunately a pupil did. We were scanning, printing, reading comments, collecting merits, and in the middle of this I was trying to mark the last piece of pupils' work.
I had to cover for an absent colleague and that was a tough one - new class, very young, lots of challenging children.
I kept being given new pieces of paper all day and by the end of the day was shedding them everywhere. I need time to file them but I can't find it.
At the end of the day I had a club for my gifted and talented pupils, doing stop frame animation. Great fun but needs lots of organising and support at this stage. To add to that Orchestra had been cancelled, which meant I had brought in a saxaphone (younger daughter) and a cello (older daughtrer) for no particular reason. (We also took in school bags for both, PE bag for one. lunch box for two of us, my laptop and a spider - for the current "biggest spider" competition at school.)
Went to tell younger daughter to come along to the club as there was no orchestra - only to find she was feeling really unwell and had struggled through the day. Ended the session with her clinging to me and sobbing.
Got home to find hubby hadn't done anything at home - breakfast things till ont he table (guess who cleared the dishwasher this morning?) and no milk. So went straight out to supermarket, then came home and did said dishwasher - he had been playing computer games while I was out and possibly for a large proportion of the day. Younger daughtrer now tucked up on sofa; I bought tea for thema nd us.Feeling low, tired and anxious. Have taken valium which feels like something of a defeat - I was so pleased to have not taken them this week. Haven't been to the gym all week - rather surprisingly I do nt feel like going tonight, though I know I should. I am burdened with shoulds, but what I want to do is throw a sickie myself tomorrow. Not an option, sadly. And it looks like an evening of school work lies ahead of me.

Sorry to rant and be self pitying. Just feel the recent successes slipping away today and it scares me.

Caroline