Hi, Understanding,

Having been married to the same woman for 40 years and been through EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE KIND OF MESS with her, I've got a couple of comments for you.

First, the probability is that the situation with your wife will pass. Everything passes, sooner or later. Things just change, even when you're not trying to change them.

Second, we've found couples therapy very, very valuable from time to time. We have always both been dedicated to our relationship with very few thoughts of divorce (none of our parents were ever divorced and we learned a lot from them). This has meant living through difficult times when we weren't sure we could make it. But we always did. We've had times when she just didn't want sex. And she went to her family doctor about it and her own therapist about it and they finally figured out what the problem was and ultimately things went back to our good relationship as before. DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOUR WIFE until every single possible solution has been explored. And there are a LOT of possible solutions.

Most of us would really prefer lifetime relationships rather than a series of spouses. If, after a lot of work and effort, you just don't believe it's right for you, then it's time to bail. But especially if you have kids, that's going to make things worse for both you and your ex-spouse. People should only divorce as an absolutely final, ultimate, last ditch resort. No, I am not a Catholic priest, I'm not even a Catholic. I'm a professional divorce counselor and have been for twenty-two years.

Take care and keep trying!