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Today at 5:44pm |
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I am tired. My bones are weak.
I am tired. My inner core does not speak
A soul was once present dancing and whirling inside
I am tired.. too tired to try.
I cringe at the looks they give me each day
Knowing it will never change, really
Knowing that ten, twenty, fifty years from now
Should I be so lucky to be alive
I will still cringe and die a little inside.
Where is the sparkle, the soul, the emotion
The carefree that ran,
the body that wanted challenge
now..sadly... all that is wanted is understanding and peace.
As I am not lazy.
I am not playing a victim, though I surely am
I am not escaping from hard work
no, my mind aches for the challenge of hard work
my fingertips itching to pick up a pen
or feet reminiscing of pounding the grass
or better still the multicolored floor of a discotheque
Diva vocals over a fast beat
Dancing far too late and getting home much too early all the same..
Where is that person, that girl
With the style, with the class
perched amongst her friends, on a stool
Drinking martinis while enjoying her poured into red dress
She was perfect at those times, congenial, sexy, but yet all with class
Save for when the tequila came out...
Now I am asked to go out
But the bones are too weary
The nausea too strong
The utter pain that is constant
makes everything wrong.
It is for naught I would go
as I would know those looks
"what is she doing here so sick"
"oh shes not sick shes just lazy
They cant even prove what she has
Dont encourage her as shes crazy
MAybe then she will get over it"
And yet again this body and mind
is locked away solitary
taking the meds most never see
And praying for one or the other to happen..
Let me live
Or let me.......
Amanda Morrison
Written to try to impart some of the terrible stigma those of us with chronic as of yet provable illnesses go through. We are not lazy. We are not unfeeling - in fact we feel often a great much more than others. The things we go through make us champions. If half of these people went through what we do between mental health and physical, they would give up. But we dont. And to me, that makes us TITANS.