Hehe, I'm glad Anneinside mentioned it first, but I too have a hard time reading a lot of shorthand (and not just yours obviously). Guess it's one thing if you're used to it... but guess also that I'm a bit of an old fogey in this regard... (not many others, but in that one, yeah). Think it's just the processing.. just too much for my brain at times, when even straight English is a challenge to read. Know what you mean about writing so much though, maryjaine... same way here. As far as your situation, you can't help if he feels you won't be ok. That's out of your hands. It'd definitely be a good idea to tell your p-doc about the xanax/ativan. It's better to have the whole picture about what's going on and proceed from there. Otherwise there's this whole unknown factor messing with things. With the meds, it's likely that it will take awhile for them to feel like they're helping. That's ok. More depressed? Probably not, but everyone reacts differently to different things. It's better to get help, no doubt about it. One could worry about how getting help would mess with things, but I can tell you from first hand experience that *not* getting help will mess with things BIG TIME.
Wishing you luck and keep us posted, ok?