It sounds like your life is taking a turn you do not like.
Well the only thing you can do, is let it turn, then see if you can change it. It is not a process that happens over night, you can change the way it is turning but only you can.

You have to want to be a differnt person, and if your freinds leave because of you being a differnt person then they were not true friends to begin with..
I for one will not leave, i have been in the same place you are in now, and I have survied., I am a differnt person, but I also think that I am more loved by myslef after my big truning point..

Wanting to be alone, but not wanting to be alone is common place when you do "hurl abusive words and fight" NO people will run when you get viloent. I would step back and ask "self"
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? why do I do these thing??
? Why do I hate so much?
? Why do I want to fight?
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If you answer "attettion to any of these" then that is where you need to start. Getting attettion is good, but bad attettion is not.. It is like when you were a child, did you only get bad attettion when you did something wrong, or did you get good attetttion when you did somthing good.
Our childhood does shape our lives belive me. it does.
Thinking about why you are doing something is always the begingin.
Try these things I have posted and then come back and tell me if any of this has helped ok.

<font color=purple>The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
- G.K. Chesterton
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