Right now, I'm in between doctor's and medicine, due to a long story about money and insurance and yadda.

Anyway, right now I'm not on any medication, and I'm almost positive that I've been getting worse. Which, honestly, is to be expected, am I right?

It's just that... I can get so mad, or so upset, or so happy that I just barely remember what I've been doing, or why I did it. It's like, I remember doing it, but I don't recall why, or even what exactly I did. I just only generally know what I've been doing.

Perhaps my teenage hormones are making me feel worse, but I'm starting to get sort of... Scared of myself. Because when I'm in that state, I just. My thoughts on what's right and wrong disappear and rearrange themselves, and then when I get sad in the aftermath, I get tricked into thinking that those are my normal mood thoughts and just.

It's so frustrating, and [totally different direction here] I'm thinking about going back into Martial Arts, as I'm pretty confident that it would help mellow me out, maybe not a lot, but a little.