I truly hope you find the support you need in these forums, but I don't think it's a good idea to come here for a diagnosis. Poeple can offer their opinions and all, but you really should talk to a professional, especially if you think about suicide. Have you talked to anyone about what you're going through? A counselor, maybe, or a doctor? Would a crisis line help?

I'm really sorry you're going through this. Hang in there.