Man,

I went through this last year. Actually it is a year to the day that I found out that my wife had an affair. Everything you are going through is NORMAL and dont let anyone tell you different.

You are going to go through the grieving process, because the marriage you and she once had is over and it will NEVER be the same. You are going to have to rebuild a new marriage with her. You will be all over the place, sad, mad, depressed, in denial, and you may experience one or all of these emotions at the same time.

What she did was f****d up and unless you ask for details, she shouldnt tell you. I wanted to know every detail from my wife, it helped me so I wouldnt speculate about what they did. I'm glad to hear your in therapy, stay in it, talk this out until your tired of talking about it, but dont pretend it never happened.

Dont settle. I hope your wife is in counseling to find out why she allowed herself to have an affair in the first place and to learn how to have and enforce healthy boundries. Dont live in a state of fear. Are you afraid she will leave you? if you say how you really feel? I was. The affair shot my self-esteem to HELL.

I totally feel for you. No one deserves to be cheated on, especially in a marriage. Like I said, dont settle for anything less than the best. Know what you want in a marriage and a life partner and share that with her. Put up "hedges" to protect your marriage if you choose to stay in it and if she cant or wont change, leave her.

If you want you can PM me. I have some really great resources that will get you through this. Dont stop posting and hang in there. It WILL get better.