Quote:
Originally Posted by InTheMaking
I still REALLY struggle in almost every social situation I am in. I never feel like I actually "fit in" with any group I am with. I find in extremely difficult to let down my guard and relax. Even with friends that I should feel at ease with. I don't think that I am like them or if they "knew" things about me, ie illness etc, they would find me damaged.
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I remember often feeling that way in my teens. I think I managed to turn it into a vicious circle of sorts: (1.) I didn't think I "really" belonged so (2.) I had to pass the test and
prove I did, but (3.) the harder I worked to prove it the more out of touch and out of place I felt and (4.) the odder I seemed to everyone else. Here's that same vicious circle from another perspective: (1.) I wanted to be like other people. (2.) Other people obviously enjoyed social situations, therefore (3.) I needed to learn to enjoy social situations too. Only, (4.) I didn't like social situations all that much so that meant (5.) I wasn't like other people and there had to be something wrong with me.
I don't remember exactly how I went about it, but since that time I seem to have discovered that it's a lot more important to me to have friends I can really talk to, and do things I really find worthwhile. Nowadays I decline almost all "social" invitations. On the infrequent occasions when I do find myself at a strictly-social gathering for whatever reason, my train of thought is likely to run something like this:
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Hey, look at all those people having a good
time! That's great! As soon as I'm done
touching base with _____, _____, and
_____ I'll go home, be by myself, and have
a good time doing the stuff I'd rather do.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo