That's about how much editing I do to my photos! haha
Then I feel pretty dodgy when I have to admit I don't look like that and they've been touched up to make me look better.

I am going to talk to my therapist when I see her next (whenever that is), ever since Lynn mentioned BDD I've been thinking about it and I've realised the extent that I obsess about myself, I think I've grown used to it over the time since it began.
I first started obsessing about my weight when I was 11 or 12 (around the same time that I started getting depressed and having nightmares that are a part of my PTSD), I used to look in the mirrors at school at recess and lunch to see how thin I was. I remember even crying a few times, and one night I was at my grandparents house my aunty was trying to tell me, either that I wasn't ugly or I wasn't fat, I can't remember exactly.
I have joint and back problems so I used to walk a little funny, I got a few comments and jokes about it so about 10 years ago I started standing a certain way and walking a certain way (I'm a bit pigeon toed) to disguise it so people wouldn't comment so much. When I am crossing the street at the traffic lights I am always thinking that people in their cars are looking at me and the way I am walking.
I pick at my face because of my acne, I started medication but it isn't working so I'm stressing about that. Every time I see someone with nice skin it gets me really down. I stand in front of the mirror and look at how bad my skin is, look for wrinkles, every flaw I can find.
I hate my ears so much that (and this is going to sound REALLY ridiculous) I have a few times tried (and succeeded) in gluing my ears to my head so they didn't stick out. Yes you can laugh at that!
I look at my reflection every time I walk past a window or mirror to see what I look like, if my hair's a mess, if I need to suck my stomach in more, etc.
If I'm around someone who is better looking than me I feel even more ugly and my confidence goes down, I look at them to see what makes them so good looking, their clothes, hair, the way they do their make-up, so I can come up with ways to make myself better looking.

I could go on and on, I even bought some anti-wrinkle stuff a few hours ago and covered my face in it, spend about 20 minutes rubbing it into my face and then tried to see if there was any difference. I get huge relief/satisfaction from it.
But I drive myself nuts about it sometimes, to the point I feel like I would be better off dead than looking like this. I can't spend too long getting ready or looking at myself before I go out or I end up getting worked up into tears or just huge frustration.
The thing is though that I don't scrutinize others for the way they look, only myself.

I must sound like such a baby talking about all this. I couldn't talk about it all to a friend or relative.