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Jun 16, 2010, 12:37 PM
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Infamous Vampire Duck
Community Liaison
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Member Since: Dec 2009
Location: Mid West
Posts: 12,742
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sannah
Do you understand what happened?
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Thanks, I know you didn't mean to make me laugh but I couldn't help it, and it did really make me feel better. When I first read your post my initial thought was “of course I understand what happened, I picked up a razor blade and the blood started to flow”
But after a moment’s pause I realized what you really meant was do I understand why I did it. I could go on about “triggers” and all of the usual stuff, I had a really crappy day, lots of stress slamming me from unexpected directions but that doesn’t excuse what I did. At a core level I don’t think I have ever understood why I SI, other than being addicted.
My first SI I thought I understood why I was doing it, I wanted to replace emotional pain with physical pain, of course it didn’t work. I have NO EXCUSE for continuing to do it, not even the lame hope that I will feel better emotionally if I SI, I know that has never worked for me.
So NO I don’t understand why I did it, not this time or the time before or the one before that……………..
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“If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi
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