So I am back after a short break and I didn't get the job. But, my world didn't come crashing in and I have to tell you, I am okay. And to top it off, my pdoc decided it's time for me to go back to work (my current job.) My employer decided it's time to engage the company doctor and since my depression has gotten so much better, my pdoc told me that there is really no longer any real reason I can't work (he's right) and that he won't lie for me (nor should he), therefore I have to go back. Right now, the last thing I am dealing with is my anxiety. It is definitely tied most strongly to work and I think that's another reason he's pushing me back. He has been very candid that he wants me to stop avoiding it.

Garden Gal, like you, I tend to think catastrophically about things and that leads to massive anxiety. I am worried that if I go back all these bad things are going to happen (they are all completely ridiculous, but in my head in the moments I'm thinking about them, they make such perfect sense!) I actually tried to go back last week and had a massive panic attack the day before. I just have to find a way to get through the door and I know I will be okay. It will all get easier once I finally get there.

And in the meantime, I will keep looking for a job. At least my phone is ringing - headhunters are calling so I am pretty optimistic that something will come my way soon. I kind of believe in fate and karma and all that stuff, so part of me thinks that I have to return to work before I can get a new job. Something out there wants me to face this and learn to cope with it before I am meant to start something new. Maybe I have to learn I'm strong enough? Maybe I'm just too spiritual and I sound crazy. Is there a forum for that (kidding....)

Anyhow, good luck Garden Girl to you and to me and to all the rest of you stuck in the same kind of situation. I totally empathize.

Feddy