thanks guys... i am gaining, i guess. Life is not linear, so why should any progress i make be? Today i was stronger than yesterday, steadier... that's something.

i am just so shaken by trying to figure out specific things about myself. My fragile sense of self has been rattled and i find the needs and wants of others in the place where my own compass should be. Trying to do the simple self-examining exercises T gave me triggers intense anxiety and emotions that i don't know the labels for.

i'm trying to get back into handling even half of the mountain of daily obligations i was working on prior to surgery and it's just been so very difficult. A lot of pressure and hard times.

i listened to a recording of a session from a few months ago and i was blown away with how confident i sounded - where is that me now???

but all in all... i am grateful. i truly do have the most wonderful T. He has been solid for me through so much. He lives what he believes... he truly does. He isn't one of those who teaches but does not do... and you can sense it. He has this calmness that is more than just a surface thing or training... it's like the Chinese symbol of strength - the willow. The willow bends and twists and can withstand immense pressure without breaking. i don't think i would have gotten this far with many.

thanks for responding guys