Can relate to whole big bunches of this. And yes, you ARE a good person. (And if I may throw this in here, because it's related and I can't help myself...it really bugs the hell out of me when people are talking about someone who's got bipolar and all the trouble they've had with their lying and stealing and stuff. Maybe they do, but it's not diagnostic, not a given, NOT part and parcel of bipolar!!! ARGH!!! I don't. You don't. Lots and lots of other people don't. There's something else going on there, and I just HATE HATE HATE people lumping those things in. and making assumptions.) Ok, end rant.

I don't know what to tell you about the anger, I have it too, though it seems much less when meds are working. One thing to keep in mind is that one day does not meds-fail make. We'll still likely have ups and downs, but they tend to be mellowed out with working meds -- less intense or less long lasting or less frequent, and if we're really lucky, all three!

Can sooo relate to the stuck/hopeless/no goals thing. In the not-too-distant past, I had that in a bad way. Threw a major chunk of caution to the wind while my meds were working well, and shook that up. Big time. Still feel that way in certain regards, but it's not so overarching and oppressive. But maybe just changing up something small can help, or doing something new. Not necessarily work. It could be a hobby, or volunteering with a local theatre (you can usually see the show for free which is a nice treat for yourself!) or even just saying, "no" to an obligation that has become a burden -- something that might contribute to your feeling of being pushed and pulled(?) (Is it just me, or do others tend to take on way too many of these things when we're feeling trapped by what we're "supposed" to do in an effort to "be nice"?)

How long did you do the T-doc thing? I only had the opportunity to do it for about 6 months, so others will have much more useful things to say about it. I've been bouncing around in some bad mood zones lately, so totally empathize and hope things get back on track for you really really soon. Keep us posted, ok StarryNight?