Thanks guys.
I've spent Wed night with a friend and Thurs with my parents. Now he wants to talk about things. I want a committment from him that it won't happen again.
Psychologically I think I just totally switched off - I really didn't feel much. Maybe my brain's way of coping.
In the past I have made mistakes. He caught me having an affair, which while it is not acceptable, stemmed from me wanting someone to love me.
It's damn hard being in a relationship, yet still feeling lonely and unloved. He was so selfabsorbed with work issues at the time, and I was the last thought on his mind. I was wrong - I know that. We called it quits, and after 6 months got back together. I really thought that after thrashing through the past, laying everything out on the table, we were starting afresh on a clean slate. I had an emotional breakdown during that time, landed in hospital after an OD cos I thought I'd lost everything - I've really learnt some hard lessons, but have come back a new person with new perspectives. I have changed and I'll never do that to him, anyone or myself again. I just wish he'd believe it and me