Hi Peppercat, welcome to the forums!

First, congrats on the quitting drinking. I quit 15 years ago, and I know just how hard a task it is. Is there a male version of Linda Blair? That was me...

As you probably know, one thing some alcoholics take into recovery with them is the tendancy to ramble and never make a point. I do that a lot. But I will try to stay focused. I hope when I'm finished, this makes some sense.

You've been thru a lot, and I'm really impressed that you've managed to keep your home and family above water like you have. Many aren't that lucky. You sound like a very strong person. Now, I'm not passing judgement, but you did ask. It really sounds like to me that your boyfriend is looking for validation by you, and for you to fix what's wrong in his life. Wanting you to tell him how much money he can have, when he should and shouldn't drink, providing social activities for him. It's good that he sees that there are problems that need to be be fixed, but he's looking in the wrong places for the answers. I think you know, that with his drinking, and I can assure you, his depression, it all has to start with him. For his depression, he needs to see a doctor, maybe a therapist. You can help him make calls, but make sure he's involved. For his drinking, you know that answer as well as me, maybe a doctor, AA, a recovery center. You know how bad the problem is, I don't. But it sounds like it is a problem, a big one. But again, get him involved. Getting him to recognize the problem, and be part of the solution is very important, it was for me.

I don't think anything more should be expected of you. Take care of your home, be as supportive as you can be, and remember, while all this is going on, you have to take care of yourself. That's a very easy thing to forget to do.

Now, didn't I tell you I could ramble?

I wish you all the best, and I hope you'll keep coming back to visit us.

bp

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away."