I so understand what you say...

I love my hubby, he a great guy, but sometimes he just makes me so angry. Like you say, it can be over absolutely nothing, and I'll scream and shout and he'll get upset and look sad, then i feel bad, then I look around and see all the mess he leaves everywhere, and he knows that I can't handle it and it makes me mad all over again....

A couple of things that help us, is if I feel like I'm getting unreasonably mad, then I will walk away and come back after I've calmed down, and he knows to leave me alone then. If he thinks I'm being unfair, he will say "that's unfair, be reasonable" then we both walk away and cool off.

what has help the most is talking with my counsellor over what is making me upset, it is often not what it appears to be. and then learning to talk about what is really upsetting me with my hubby... it's a long hard road

Sorry about the rambleing....