If it was a pet I doubt that your husband would have a problem with your actions.....the thing is that we need to LOVE & we need to be loved unconditionally which is the ideal marriage relationship & you definitely do not have anywhere close to what the marriage relationship is meant to be, so that lack of feeling love needs to go somewhere since your husband doesn't seem like he would be easy to feel love toward.

Just guessing, but I bet your children were everything to you & probably pretty much your whole reason for living? Probably the only thing that gave you the feeling of being needed? When your children grew up & left, & you saw this baby that looked like what gave you the wonderful feeling in your past, you jumped at getting it because is so reminded you of when you really felt that your life had meaning even though the doll couldn't return the feelings like real children could..but just the sensation of holding it like when you did feel those good feelings gives you some sense of those past feelings even though not exactly the same, in your mind, you can reconstruct some of that same sensation though? Just a theory. I know that many women who's whole life was wrapped around their children still need to have that feeling of having a baby in their arms.
Your husband probably doesn't & probably can't understand your need to feel love & I would imagine that he isn't exactly a husband that you feel love for either especially if he has treated you this way & you say that you feel that his taking care of you you feel he's trying to kill you.....that doesn't sound like the kind of person that you are feeling any love for & all people need to feel love for something....the baby doll is your substitute for your need to feel love now that you don't have anything to hold in your arms to love anymore? Getting in touch with your feelings is one important thing. Getting away from your husband isn't going to fix that lack of love feeling that you are requiring & I'm not sure that your marriage relationship was ever a loving one that could even be repaired?

I might recommend maybe getting a pet which would actually unconditionally love back unlike the doll & as all pets desperately need good kind, loving owners, but then again, pets can be expensive & the doll definitely doesn't require food, or vet bills depending on your financial situation.

Human emotions are so very complicated & your husband's lack of being willing to understand why you are needing the doll seems to be very judgmental on his part & definitely not one of a loving husband. When there is love lacking around us & we desperately need to feel it. I'm guessing also that if you were poor when you were growing up, having a doll to play with wasn't something your family could afford to give you, so maybe this doll is replacing a lot of missing things in your life?

Ah, so many theories, but only you can really answer the questions by analyzing your feelings & thoughts.....that is the good thing about therapy. Maybe if you can define the reasons the doll is so important in your life, he would finally be able to listen to where your thoughts are coming from & at least understand you better but he can't understand you until you understand you.........you are definitely NOT crazy. Lacking the feeling of having anything to love in your life is definitely NOT being crazy....your husband may not want to hear that you don't love him, but reality is what it is even if we don't want to hear it & may not be willing to accept it. If your husband can't accept you at the point where understanding comes about why you feel the way you feel about the doll & realize that you aren't crazy, then you may need to think about what you need to do to get away from his mentally abusive behavior if you are able to take care of yourself.