Good morning Tish,

When I remarried, my second wife had 2 teenage children (I also have 2 kids, now grown tho) and both were experiencing deep parental alienation. Their father, an MD, had the classic symptoms of adult Aspergers, which made it nigh impossible for his kids to bond with him and which caused a great deal of anger and hostility as both parents tried to create a divide. Now, years later, both have formed a bond with me and see me as their father. It was painful to see them through their pain and be there even when they were lashing out at me and my kids since they saw the disparity.

However, I apologize if this sounds harsh, but there is no "Parental Alienation Syndrome," as was proposed by the late Richard Gardner, MD, in the mid-1980's. The label has been soundly rejected by both the clinical/mental health community (below is just one article) although a minority of clinicians continue to subscribe to it.

http://www.ncdsv.org/imag/PASPropone...Emery_2005.pdf

and the courts (another article of several)

http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/Hou...lawjournal.pdf

even though he claimed it had been accepted (a false claim to sell his theory).

Parental alienation (minus the word syndrome) is seen as the effect of one parent attempting to drive a wedge between the other parent and the child, which has been talked about for centuries but published in the literature only in the last 75 years. I've seen it most pronounced in child custody disputes, when I've been asked by the court to conduct an evaluation.

I think the larger picture may be what it was you experienced, why the therapist thought it was useful to label it as such, and most importantly, how having this label eases your pain. I'm wondering if you feel comfortable talking about this, it may help us get a better handle on what you experienced then and how it's affecting your life now.

When you say one of your children "suicided" do you mean they committed suicide or that they're suicidal? Secondly, while your ex may still be "brainwashing" your other child, there are several things you can do to stop your child's behavior towards you-- it will take some work on your part, but it is very doable. If your interested, we can continue this based on your response to this post.

Tish, I'm so sorry you've had to go through this and I know that the scars can last for years and years. My hope is that you will not see my post as negative and demeaning of your experience, but more so as part of the healing process for yourself. I think we all need to understand where our pain comes from and how it affects us, but the understanding has to be based on certain realities. However, it may be more important to look for ways to move beyond it so that it no longer serves as a source of ongoing distress.

With compassion,
Baaku