Dear black_crow,

You said "I want to patch things up with the people i pushed away but im afraid its too late or that they hate me or that my other friends who have been there for me lately will get angry."

I personally feel that good friends understand that you're doing something internal when you push them away for a while and fully expect that you'll come back. This means not only for month, but for years. Why would it be "too late"? Why would they "hate" you? You were good friends because of a special "click" between your two personalities. That doesn't disappear with time. And why in heaven's name would they "hate" you? For disappearing for a while? If they would do such a thing as "hate" you for isolating yourself for a while, they weren't real friends in the first place, let alone special friends.

Are you sure you understand what friendship is? As for the special friends who've stuck with you, again, why in heck would they get angry at you? You're suffering really tough times. If they're really good friends, not only will they not be angry with you, they will be sympathetic, empathetic and happy to see that you're reaching out again. Don't you see the emotional logic of these conclusions? Your absence is a test of all your friends. The ones who don't accept you back, with sympathy, weren't friends at all. And your not being with them hereafter is no loss at all.

I would be very surprised if the vast majority of your old friends didn't welcome you back with love and joy. That's what real friends do.

Talk to me/us at PC any time via postings, private messages, chat room, etc. We are, all of us, real friends you can rely on, who understand the miserable times you're going through and how much help you need. And we'll try to provide as much of that as we can. We know there's no replacement for physical presence, but we'll give you all we can in terms of writing.

The best of my wishes for re-constructing yourself and your successful "re-capture" of your friends!

Take care!