I have read alot of threads describing a sense of fraud or emptiness when they feel better on meds or not. Whan depression is what you are and all you know, I guess you could say that you miss it. When it's gone it could be scary to feel happy. Your old sad,grumpy, debilatating friend is gone. I guess a bad friend is still a friend. I know I feel these things. During the rare days that I feel good I think back and want to feel like crap again. I miss curling up in a ball on the couch screaming into the pillows. I miss hiding right in front of people. I miss the thoughts of uselessnes. I miss the thoughts of what things would be like if I were not around anymore. I guess you could say that I miss the pain. As of now I am still depressed as sh#t so I don't have to think about that right now. It's part of me and always has been the way that I am.