Quote:
Originally Posted by refactory man
I have read alot of threads describing a sense of fraud or emptiness when they feel better on meds or not. Whan depression is what you are and all you know, I guess you could say that you miss it. When it's gone it could be scary to feel happy. Your old sad,grumpy, debilatating friend is gone. I guess a bad friend is still a friend. I know I feel these things. During the rare days that I feel good I think back and want to feel like crap again. I miss curling up in a ball on the couch screaming into the pillows. I miss hiding right in front of people. I miss the thoughts of uselessnes. I miss the thoughts of what things would be like if I were not around anymore. I guess you could say that I miss the pain. As of now I am still depressed as sh#t so I don't have to think about that right now. It's part of me and always has been the way that I am.
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Dear Refactory Man,
I've read an awful lot of posts here on PC but yours is (if memory serves) the first one celebrating the lost wonders of depression after a med has relieved you from it. I've been depressed (among other things) most of my life and after seventeen years of trying different meds, it's only within the past year I've a found one that works (for me) against depression. Considering my own experience, there's something in me that surrounds your post with question marks. Are you sure your med is working? Could it be that you're still depressed? If you've
really become "un-depressed," how could you
possibly miss it? Unless you're pulling our collective leg? Re-reading your post it seems as if things haven't changed for you and you're just theorizing about what
might happen if your meds worked. I really wonder about your claims about what you do
"[d]uring the rare days that I feel good I think back and want to feel like crap again." Frankly, it sounds like a strange kind of inverse boasting. Are you SURE there are days when you "feel good"? To me, it sounds very much like a masochistic way of "feeling good."
Whatever the reality may be, you do convince me that you're really troubled and need all you can get of PC help and the wonders of modern chemistry.
I wish you all the possible best. Take care!