Hi ~

First, take a deep breath -- and then know that talking about sexual issues is very difficult for most people because it is a topic we don't normally discuss.

Now, congratulate yourself because you have been able to recognize that this is an important issue in your life, and sexual health and identity are very much a part of who we are as human beings.

You bring up some points about your past -- that you had sexual experiences with other children at a young age -- what is sometimes referred to as "precocious" -- and that had a strong impact on how you feel about yourself and your sexuality at this point in your life.

Being able to write about the issues that are concerning you is a very positive step and you may want to "cut & paste" what you have written and simply print that out or your therapist rather than try to rewrite.

I believe that what may most concern you, your desires and compulsions (self mutilation, attraction to the juvenile form, etc.), is in fact a sign that you may be ready at this time in your therapeutic journey to start addressing the issue of your adult sexuality.

As with all therapy, take things at your pace, work with your therapist(s) and your support system, and continue your medication regimen and journalling.

SusanS