I guess you are asking are you a sexual masochist? Actually no. But you do like to be sexually submissive and there are many people (men and women) who prefer that.

Some have been abused, some have not, it is a sexual preference.

If it is something you and your partner agree on, in other words if there is consent between the dominant and the submissive partners, and the interaction between you is rewarding and loving and creates no additional problems, then the matter is entirely between the two of you.