Suga, this doesn't sound healthy. From what I can gather, you are giving more than what you are probably receiving - and it should be a two-way! I sense that you are in no way ready to end this relationship as you defend his actions in the same breath that you bemoan them. But from what you have written, I don't feel he is being fair to you. Certainly not in light of your illness. I sense that he doesn't understand. But he shouldn't, in a committed relationship, come and go as he pleases and then expect less from you. That isn't respect. I am sorry to be so hard on you. I know you want more encouragement than what you have received. But it is time to look at the cold hard facts.

The previous poster said please be safe and smart. I know you to be highly intelligent and intuitive. So I echo that. Think long and hard about this.