Today I had a bit of a breakthrough in therapy. All of a sudden, out of my mouth comes the story of being molested by my old landlord 7 years ago. I haven't told ANYONE about that. Only my husband and my best friend know about it. And now of course, you folks. I have been seeing my therapist for 3 months and I suppose this means I trust him. As I was mentioning in another post, I have been making huge strides lately in terms of my recovery and have been feeling so much better. Part of that has meant that I have been resurfacing all of the things that have happened to me over the past 10 years and dealing with things that I never dealt with before and never gave myself closure on. Like this.

After it happened all those years ago, I went to the police but chose not to press charges. I didn't think it was serious enough at the time. That experience was horrible too. Anyone who's been through that knows that first the police interrogate you, to make sure you're telling the truth (or at least, that's what they did to me.) I felt like I had done something wrong and I was being put on trial. All I wanted was for the police to visit him at home in front of his wife (he was married with two kids) and scare the crap out of him. After that, I put it out of my head and tried never to think about it again. But as I've gone through this healing process now, the memories have resurfaced and I find myself thinking about it again and again and today, it just came out of my mouth in my therapy session. And then I cried and then I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me because I could talk about it.

It's scary because there is so much more inside of me that needs to come out. That is among the worst but I know that I have a lot more ground to cover. I think I feel better because I guess I'm realizing that I can deal with it and I have someone who will help me. But I'm scared out my mind. But I also think that I have to do this and face this to make sure that I stay better. I don't want to go back down the rabbit hole - feeling better feels too good.