Sorry it’s taking so long for me to respond, I haven’t been in the right state of mind to do so. I’ve spent hours staring at the blank screen trying to get myself to write something but words seem to slip my mind. I keep trying to rationalize everything, make excuses so his actions will some how be “right” or “good”. I’m trying so hard to do everything for him, sadly I can’t make him love me. Right now I’m not sure if he really does, only that he feels obligated because of the baby on the way.

Byz- You’re right, he is insecure. I know being married won’t make those issues go away, but I’m hoping that if we are he will be forced to face the issues that are presented to him. Having to earn his trust back is based on the fact that he thinks I have lied to him. He’s so insecure he blames me for things without really thinking it through first.

Love- It’s not new to me though, I’m used to him saying that kind of stuff to me. He doesn’t say it often but I’ve had to deal with enough in my life time from a lot of people which has trained me to deal with situations like that. I don’t know why he is so unable to talk things out with me. I won’t bite, I swear.

Shez- Again I agree it won’t change anything if we’re married or not. Trust me I want to work out the stress but he won’t allow me to help. I’m committed to him, or at least I think I am fully. My fear is a build up of being scared of losing him and perhaps other things as well. He talks about how he feels but he dismisses it as unimportant. No matter how much I tell him it is and that I need to know, the more he hides.

I just need someone to support me right now. I’m unstable, things aren’t always easy for me, but I want someone to love me for who I am.