((((((((((googley))))))))))))

I know its hard right now, but you CAN get through this. You need to believe you can get through this. Are you familiar with any mindfulness and/or breathing techniques? I find those are useful for the "short-term" anxiety, i.e., in the moments that you will be with your advisor.

And I know its hard to imagine, but is there any way you could do some positive visualizations in order to prepare you for your meeting/review? I know its difficult to try and see any positive outcomes when you are feeling that anxious, but as easy as your mind can get into negative spiral thinking, your mind can also get on a positive thinking track - with practice (i.e., the positive visualizations). The bad AND good thing about our mind is that it likes to take the easiest train of thought, with repetition you can get your mind into a positive pattern that might help to counteract some of that anxiety.

Other than that... do you have any meds that might help with the anxiety?

As for the SI urges... maybe try instead of focusing on how badly you want to act on them right NOW, try and look ahead and see how much of a success, see how much better you will feel long-term, if you can fight them. I've seen how strong you are, and I know that you can look them in the face and tell them to bugger off!!!! If however they overwhelm you and you do act on them, try not to let that fuel your anxiety even more. We all do what it takes to get through things, and sometimes along the way we stumble and make mistakes, but that doesn't make you a bad, or weak, or an *insert word* person.

You can do this.

Gentle hugs,
Jacq