A few of you may have heard about this in chat yesterday. I woke up this morning and I'm in a panic. I agreed with myself to end the 5 year relationship that I'm in today. I'm terrified, so terrified. Also, it was clear that I wanted to do this last night, but now I'm so confused about it.

Please allow me to give you some background. The first two years of our relationship were excellent. Then she had a psychotic break and was hospitalized for a week. She was diagnosed with a severe form of bipolar disorder and there was a clear change in our relationship thereafter. I took on more of a caretaking role for the next year. I wanted to end it, but I allowed myself to get pressured into getting engaged. Before the wedding and through the pressure of some loved ones whom I conveyed these feelings, I broke it off. This was about a year and a half ago. I'm not sure if I can say this on here, but she proceeded to make an attempt. It devistated me. Her parents refused to take her to the hospital cause they didn't believe the attempt was real so I did. We were living together at the time. I couldn't handle it and became depressed myself. I felt like I was abandoning a child who needed me... and I was walking away. I ended up checking myself into the hospital for a couple days, mostly to escape everything. During that time my parents moved my stuff out of our shared apartment without my permission. I was 27 at the time!

Well, anyway, a few months past and she continued to call me constantly. She started to again threaten future attempts and finally I agreed to meet her. It's rather stupid, but here I am a year later and she's talking marriage again. I'm an idiot and a bad person. I feel terrible, but I don't think I want to be with her anymore. She's needy and I think I want to get out of this again. Almost none of my friends know we are dating, nor does my family. It's quite a mess. I'm terrified that she will attempt after I break it off... I'm sooo scared and alone. She will never leave me alone.

I'm not sure why I'm posting.. I already know what to do if not the exact details. But, I'm so lonely right now.