well feeling ok this morning, until I got a bill for 196 pounds from the water company! No panicking about finding a job, Iv applied a few places but got no responses. ARG! So angry that I can't just hide from responsibility until I feel capable of dealing with it, but if I did that things would get worse. I can't use the phone to talk to the water bill cuz I'm scared of the damn thing, and Im smoking like a chimney behind my partners back. I have the GPs in a week or two, but I might not be able to wait that long. A lovely person advised me to pop into my local A&E and explain things to them if they get too much. Hopefully I will be able to do that if the time comes.

My little boy is fine, he doesnt even know anything is wrong, bless him.

I have just decided to take a year out of university to get better before I go back, but it means I loose all my loans&grants this year, so I have to get a job, so I can pay my rent etc. I know my folks have said they will help out if it gets too much, but I feel horrible asking them for money, and my mum makes it harder, one min she says its fine, she wants us to be ok, the next she is telling me off because she blames me for having to work. I cant win. Its all pants.