(((((((((((((((((((Lifelost)))))))))))))) I so understand your feelings. It's a terrible place to be in. Whatever the outcome though, you can't live like this day in and day out. I do, I have to being it is my son, but it's killing me slowly. I wish so much more for you. Please take care of self and do what you need to do. There is no judgment here. I wish you much peace and will be praying for you.