I am almost seventeen and I think I might be in love.

Yep. You can laugh now. It is stupid.

This was so not the time. This was SO not the plan. This was totally NOT when I wanted to have someone like him in my life.

We met last summer. Hit it off pretty much instantly. He got my jokes. (?!?!) Yes. That's actually rare. He made good comebacks. He was fun and intelligent and brave and capable. Everything I wasn't. But for some odd reason, he seemed to like me.

He asked me to prom, in spite of the fact that a bunch of kids at his school pretty much hate me for the homeschooled loser I am. He said I was different from the other girls- like that was a good thing.

I can't date. My conservative parents will never let me. I told him that. I wanted him to find someone he could actaully date. Someone to take out and teach to golf. He said he could wait.

We have never kissed. We have never even held hands.

He is my only friend. My best friend. And he has no idea about the SI or depression. Just like everyone else. I don't know. I guess I thought he's have ditched me by now. Before I was ever close enough to tell him.

I don't know where we'll end up... I can see spending the rest of my life with someone like him... but I don't know if I should hope for that. I feel unworthy. I feel like I should never marry or be in a close relationship, because of my issues. I feel like imposing my crap on him would be so selfish and disgusting. He could find someone better.

He says I am better than he deserves. He respects my parents and my family. He comes to my church on occasion. He has never so much as made a move that made my uncomfortable. He's a keeper. But I don't feel worthy to keep him.

I guess that's it. I can't imagine where I would be without him... sometimes he is the only thing I am living for. I've felt up and down about him... wondered why I was ever attracted to him and then saw him again and 'remembered'.

I just can't seem to be happy even when I have so much.