The past month has been horribly up and down (mostly down) for me.
Today I am super agitated, can't sit still, can't concentrate, went to T and kept losing my train of thought. She could see how I was struggling and would go back to what we were talking about to try to remind me where I was in the conversation.
Today I did SI because I felt like I had to...it calms me a little. It helps to ground me when I don't feel grounded.
I have been doodling, but it's not working anymore. I am going to my np on thursday and then a brand new PDoc on Friday because the last one was a dunce.
There are so many thoughts....but I can't get them out in time before they are fleeting thoughts.
Just this post alone is taking me forever because I keep forgetting what I want to stay.
Sleep....is a tough one. I can sleep about 12-15 hours and still feel exhausted, so then I have coffee and energy drinks to get through it.
I have picked up smoking again. Before it was like 1, 2 or 3 a day and now I am buying my own packs, smoking up to half a pack a day. I have read that it is something that folks with Bipolar end up doing sometimes. Some pick up drinking or drugs, some pick up smoking.

I'm lost....not sure why I posted this...