okay little update....
I have joined a different dating site (mainly because Richard had added me to his favorites on the other one so it shows him when I am online.. last on line.. changes to my profile etc).
The new site is completely free unlike the other one where you had to pay a nominal amount to be able to email the other person..

So far I have spoken with some genuine nice guys.. then some that are just after casual sex and finally one really weird guy.. Will tell the story because it is sort of funny.
The guy started off sounding normal (on IM chat).. sounded level headed, in a good job, liked what he did etc... about 15 minutes into the chat he started on that hw would tell a woman what to wear in the house - eg not very much but heels LOL... how a woman should be submissive etc.. haha.. he got right into explaining how he would be the boss at home blah blah..
I said that if he expected someone only to wear shoes and nothing more then he better hope he has good heating LOL
Then I blocked him

Any way back to the real life issues.... Richard and I are incontact... just as mates. he's down and it makes me sad. Offered a night of just chilling at mine watching dvds (nothing more.. not that it would happen anyway) and he said it was a nice offer... so that was a brush off and a half LOL

Am fighting with Mark at the moment and I don't really care... am sick of being so nice to him when he is so selfish. I found out that Lisa is talking about having kids.. she told a friend that she is going to try and get pregnant without mark's knowledge (she's an idiot!) so I told him.... probably shouldn't have stuck my nose in but if it was ANY friend I would tell them something like that.. it's sort of entrapment... Now he's ****** so i cut lose telling him I was only being a true friend... that I had supported him everythim he needed it and he gave me nothing back ever...

So I have a smile on my face today.. I spoke my mind with him and it felt good
I finally found that all I wanted was friendship with him, that i could never have a relationship with him - trust issues amoung everything else.... an now am not even sure I want to be friends with him... will see what happens.

I am strong and happy in my life atm.. minus the Richard thing (yeah wrong but I still want him...could love that boy LOL)

Haven't seen my T for over a month and I am doing really well on my own... will call him if I need him though and that makes me feel secure

Sorry for the long babble.... hadn't been on here for a while and needed to get all my thoughts out.. maybe I should start a blog LOL but like that I get responses here..