Fenrir, I love your post. It echoes my thoughts and feelings almost exactly. Well, when I'm not depressed. When my bipolar disorder kicks in and I'm in a bad mood, I tend to see things very black and white. At least when I'm in a good mood there's some grey around the edges, and maybe some color, way, way off in the distance. The idea of dead loved ones watching us disturbs me not because they see me wasting my life, but because...well, voyeuristic dead people!( that last was meant as a joke, so feel free to laugh, or not. It's all good!) No, if there is an afterlife, deceased loved ones should be spending their (after?) lives doing something other than watching me. They can't do anything to help me, and there's only one dead loved one I'd want help from. But that's better discussed outside this thread. And discussing it would resurrect hurts I've put to rest.