So I know I poated here a few weeks ago about being frustrated with treatment and meds not working and things taking too long to change..... Today my pdoc was getting ready to make a tiny change in meds that he and I both know wasn't going to significantly help so I called him out on it. I told him that I have reached the point of desperation where it's now or never. I need a med overhaul and I need it now. With the meds I'm on It would take like 6 weeks or more to come off of everything. He said, "well you can't make those kind of changes unless you're inpatient." I was like "I am so willing to go... I hate inpatient but I am not going to be alive much longer to worry about it if I don't go and get something done." I told him I know he talks to my boss (his wife/girlfriend) and I know he knows what they have been saying at work just with me being distractible and all over the place and not meeting deadlines. (he didn't deny that!!)

in the end, he thinks it's a great idea and says he nows it's been a struggle and what-not but he feels like he has a good sense of who i am and where he wants treatment to go. He asked me to go to a hospital across the state line where he is on staff and though he wont see me inpatient he talks to both of the other inpatient attendings and will have say-so. He says he can pre arrange everything so it's a smooth transition into the unit. He said I would probably be there 8-10 days but could be 14 (so he has no idea). We agreed that we would wait until after my sisters wedding in 2 weeks and I'll go pretty quick thereafter. Have to run it by work but since he is shagging up with my boss, I may be okay getting the time. Anyway, wish me luck. I'll be around but I feel a sense of relief and a pang of nervousness at once. This is just a ranting post to clear the head. Never gone voluntary inpatient for a major med change before!!!