(As usual, I will try to be brief... we'll see how that works out.)

Do you ever feel that its difficult to determine if you have a legitimate gripe or if you are just being nit-picky because of your bipolar related things (like I have huge control issues and I get angry/frustrated very easily & I have severe anxiety problems which are exacerbated when I don't have control of things. Does that make sense at all?).

My husband is a very, very laid back person. He's kind and sweet and extremely generous... the list goes on and on. When I am angry with him I always call him perfect (which he seems to be and that's really freaking annoying). He flat out refuses to engage in any sort of argument or fight with me. No matter what the problem, no matter if I did something terrible or mean, he will not engage me. This is maddening. Last night I completely flipped out on him and I KNOW I hurt him pretty badly by calling him an asshole (among other things, but I know this specifically hurt him because he looked like I struck him when I said it).

In the beginning of the disagreement (that I am the only one participating in) I believe I had a legitimate gripe, but then it sort of rolled into this huge deal because he won't engage in any sort of fight with me. This makes me absolutely furious because how can someone never be mad? Never be angry, never pissed? Seriously, that's such a hard ideal for me to live up to. Its like he's this perfect person with all of this patience and caring and I'm this horrible ***** that attacks him for no reason. So, after I literally screamed at him for 2 hours and attacked everything about him I could come up with I just left the room and went to sleep.

So here's the thing: how in the hell can I ever have a legitimate complaint and not end up being a complete ****ing *** about it? I end up being a horrible jerk and then I end up feeling like everything under the sun is my fault and that initiates my deep held desire to "leave"--just literally walk away and go die in the woods somewhere or something.

What do I do? Right now I just cannot apologize because I am so, so tired of it always being me. Always my fault.