((((((((Katilina))))))))))

I understand a lot of what you are saying. I'm fresh out of college as well and often feel some of the same struggles you mentioned.

Sometimes, when we often feel invisible, the only time we get "noticed" is if we do something dramatic or out of character. A huge component of self-injury (at least my own experience with it) was making something physical out of the inner turmoil. Almost a justification for how we're feeling - even if just to yourself. Something that you can look at and say "aha! LOOK at how much pain I am in, I'm not just making it up."

That being said, if someone were to see your SI (and they had no prior knowledge of you engaging in this behaviour), there are several responses which could occur. If they are a compassionate person who is able to see your pain, that recognition of how you are feeling can feel very freeing. The unfortunate part of that, is that you could get yourself into a very dangerous cycle of SI in order to gain this recognition, when in fact, if you trust this person, talking to them about how you're feeling could bring about the same positive feelings, without doing the physical damage.

Perhaps self-injury is one way to stand out in a crowd... but is that momentary feeling of being noticed really what you want to be remembered for? You sound like an intelligent person, who i'm sure has skills worth being remembered. Skills that WILL make you stand out.

As hard as it is, using your voice is a much better conductor of recognition, and even coping skills, than SI. I hope that you can find someone to reach out to so that you can find out what makes you special... we all have specialness within us, its just sometimes hard to see.

Please stay safe,
Jacq