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Originally Posted by LovebirdsFlying
So here's where I stand.
I don't even like "ladies first." I'd appreciate someone giving up a seat to me on the bus, or holding the door open for me, because I have a physical disability. But please don't feel obligated to do so just because I'm a woman. Although no, I'm not going to yell at a man who does that. He's probably been taught that way, and he is making a sincere effort to be courteous.
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Hey LBF, really good discussion please don't take anything personally here
So how do you differenciate between each one? It's ok if they open a door for you because your "disabled" but because you're a woman? I think you need to work out why you have such issues. You will take what might be sympathy for your disability, but not for what might be because you are female.
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Motive means everything. And a lot of people still think it's just common decency to let women go first. They call it "respect." Well, I disagree, that's all. I'd be more inclined to call it "respect" if I'm looked at as an equal, not a delicate being who requires special consideration. I also feel that since we women have worked hard for the rights we have--to vote, to own property, to be hired for the same jobs at the same pay, etc.--it would be hypocritical to turn around and demand preferential treatment on the basis of gender
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Men are taught to be courteous and respectful, it is a victorian courtesy that women have come to appreciate and expect whether the suffregettes agree with it or not and those who are rude to someone being courteous shows no grace whatsoever.
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(However, I'm still tempted to say, "Hey, there's a lady present!" when someone lets loose with a bunch of profanity.  )
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It seems you want it all your own way. I don't think this is about being a woman at all, I think it is about being deliberately obstropelous so that you can create a battle of the sexes. Someone who loves a good argument
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Am I trying to be unfeminine? Absolutely not. I prefer dresses over slacks. My hair is very long. I enjoy wearing makeup and jewelry. I even legally changed the name I was given at birth, because I felt it was too boyish, and I wanted a name that was more clearly female. "I want to be equal" doesn't mean "I want to be a man."
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But only you can declare yourself an equal. I've seen men hold doors open for other men and I believe that is common courtesy. No matter how you dress it is your attitude that determines your behaviour. I have no issue with being treated courteously, in fact I appreciate it. There is little appreciation for others in our world today and I think that has added to mental illness the world over.
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I've got an uncle who doesn't like to hear any talk of "women's lib," and he will tell any woman who is at all upset with her husband, "Quit trying to be the boss. The man is supposed to be the boss." Well, he's referring to certain Bible verses. I'm not starting this thread to debate religious doctrine, however anyone feels about that. I'm only trying to say, it's not a matter of "trying to be the boss." I guess in my uncle's way of thinking, someone has to be superior. He doesn't seem to grasp the concept of equality. If a woman even hints about equal rights, his ears take it to mean, "Let's reverse roles completely, give the women all the power, and make the men grovel."
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AH now we are getting to the nitty gritty...an uncle who is a chauvanist. I wouldn't mind betting that this guy is at least part of the reason you feel the way you do about men and their nefarious underhanded motives for offering to open a door for you.
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Nope. Not trying to do that at all. Equality works both ways. "I want to be equal" doesn't mean "I don't like men."
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I am equal to men, I don't have an issue or thought that I am not. So I'd really like to know why this makes you blow steam? is it a genuine issue brought about by being sunjected to your uncles (and probably others mens tirades), that needs work with a therapist? Usually once one gets to the root cause and settles it in their mind, the issue is no longer something that brings about an unecessary reaction,
Loving thoughts,
Rhia