I was once told that the fact that I have a mental illness means any partner of mine is automatically codependent, just by virtue of choosing a mate who has a mental illness. I don't know if that's true or not. I really don't think so, because I don't see any signs of codependency in my husband. However, I was abused in my first marriage. Also, right before this one (it's my fifth marriage, I'm embarrassed to say) I was married to a man who was basically an overgrown eight-year-old. He had disabilities but not to the extent that it justified the way his family treated him. I sometimes say that his biggest "handicap" was being treated all his life as if he was handicapped. They never taught him how to do for himself. They just assumed he couldn't learn, and did for him. Then when he was married to me, I began teaching him to do those things. The dead giveaway here was that he *learned.* Were they happy he was learning? No. They were furious with me for not accepting the fact that he was "helpless." They didn't even want me in the picture. For him to be a married man was a sign of normality, and they just wouldn't have that. I didn't have to worry about getting out of that situation. His family kept riding me so hard, they eventually convinced him I was evil incarnate, and he left me. To this day he continues to have basic things done for him, that he is perfectly capable of doing for himself.

Cma, I don't know if I see a red flag in your situation, but I think I see a yellow one. If your husband doesn't like for you to go out without him, there could be trust issues. And it looks like he personalizes all of your emotions. It doesn't look healthy to me, for him to think that any time you're upset, it's about him.