Does you husband have a single brother!!?? lol

I think it's great you made this post. As well as being a Beeper and having Panic and Anxiety Disorders I am an 11 years sober alcoholic in AA. One of the things we learn in AA is the "inventory process" which is basically about fessing up to our grosser character defects and thus giving ourselves the opportunity to do something about them. And it is VERY hard to get into the habit of fessing up, but a very valuable, life-changing habit.

I think though, that being aggressiive rather than assertive isn't just attributable to Bipolar. The whole Human Race suffers from this dynamic so I don't think we ought to attribute all of our dysfunctional emotions or approaches to the illness. It's a Universal phenomenon and a hard act to perfect assertiveness. But a lot of Beepers, certianly me, also come from an abusive neglectful and terrifying upbringing and I think that cultivates aggression because as kids we are in survival mode and also not taught proper coping mechanisms and we bring those coping mechanisms into adulthood and they are not always productive to us as adults.

I loved the idea above of slowing down your anger and reactions by putting them to paper - either written or typed in Word. My suggestion is to then put them aside until the next day, when you may not be so agitated. Even while I was working in a professional career that I can no longer do due to my illnesses, I tried to use a rule of thumb of typing a letter or email when in anger, then holding it aside until the next day to review with a quiter mind. When I didn't do it - and fired off to people in anger, I often regretted it. That's also about delaying Instant Gratification, which can maifest itself as down loading our intense feelings to others arther than sitting with them.

I still get accused by my psychiatrist of being like a "dog with a bone" when I hang onto an issue and want to drive it to conclusion, but I do claim that I have progressed a million miles from when I started in AA in terms of being more assertive rather than agressive. I used to steam roll people.

The other thing is therapy. I don't know if you are in therapy, but this is the type of major issue that can really really be helped by therapy. And seeking a trusted and WISE therapist and fessing up honestly, brutally honestly, like you have in this thread is the start of finding amzing life long tactics and strategies to deal with our own emotions, life situations and people. I have really benfitted feom therapy as well as meds.