Quote:
Originally Posted by Rhiannonsmoon
Hey LBF,
Thanks for not taking anything personal; sometimes it's difficult to put the correct inflection into what we write so calm and open communication is important.
I understand the statement but I still don't get how you are able to differentiate between the man who opens the door out of courtesy from the man who does it just because you're a woman? that doesn't make any sense at all,
Loving thoughts,
Rhia
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Oh, there's no way to know. And even if he is doing it just because I'm a woman, chances are that he's simply been taught it's polite. This is why I'd never get angry at a man for opening the door for me, or for any of those other courtesies, although I've seen women do that. In my opinion, the best way to educate people is not by getting angry when they break your rules, but by calm discussions like this one.
By the way, even offering assistance to a disabled person can be taken as an insult. I merely use a cane, but if I encounter someone in a wheelchair, for example, I ask them if they would like help, before I give it. Some people with disabilities pride themselves on being as independent as they can, and would feel reminded of their weakness, if someone just jumped in and did something for them.
My late aunt was mentally retarded. She could not function completely as an adult, and had to be under her mother's guardianship and supervision her entire life. She could never have lived competently on her own. But if someone tried to do for her what she could do for herself, she resented it and would say so. Loudly.
Whatever she could take care of by herself, she jolly well did not want help with it.
Similarly, I think the courtesies toward women *originated* with the notion that women were somehow weaker and less competent than men, and needed those acts of consideration. Do you know why a groom carries the bride over the threshold on their wedding night? It came from the superstition that when entering a home for the first time, you must start with your right foot, or you would have bad luck. And women, it was thought, would be so flustered and emotional after having just gotten married, that they would forget. So it was safer for the man to carry her.
Anyway, this doesn't mean that all men who do those things are thinking that women are weak and can't manage for themselves, but the traditions started out with that idea in mind.
Bottom line, I guess, is that I'm not one for doing things just because that's the way it's always been done.
George, thank you for your comments. I hope I wasn't too harsh with you. Interesting thought, that the courtesies put a woman in a man's debt somehow. Maybe it's akin to "I bought you dinner so you owe me something sexual." Hmmm.