Someone I was just talking to tried to convince me that I wasn't responsible for my brother's death. I can understand the reasons for this, but like so much else I see in the world around me, it's misleading. Will an attitude such as mine help me in any way? No, but that doesn't make it less true. The simple, inescapable fact is that I AM responsible, and nothing will ever change that. Why do so many people run away from uncomfortable truths? Why try to dress them up and disguise them? That won't make those truths go away, it won't change them one iota. Not wanting to believe I'm responsible for my youngest brother's death won't change the fact that I AM guilty. I hate it when people try to tell me I wasn't to blame! They don't know, they weren't there, they have no knowledge of the mitigating circumstances, yet they ignorantly presume to spew out such nonsense! I could forgive myself, but that won't change the truth either. A change of perspective doesn't change the fact that if you jump off a tall building, bad things will happen when you hit the ground! The same, the exact same principle applies to my brother's death, and for the same reason! Fact is fact, no matter how you look at it! Life isn't fair, or pretty. Life is hard, it is ugly,it is brutal. I'm not guilty of my brother's death? Ask him that if you meet him in the afterlife, he'll agree with me. Even if he wouldn't, the plain facts of the events surrounding his death tell the story of my being to blame. It's painful, yes, but I need my pain! It's part of what makes me who I am!