Well, as onomonapetia so eloquently put it, I went ape **** last night. See, the thing is that I, 99% of the time, am rational. I do wait. I don't say the barbed stuff that is in my head. And that leads to this huge build up. When I am in the middle of an "episode" (I have no idea what to call it) it takes weeks of building up and I work every day to keep from losing it, but it gets harder and harder until I do finally break down. When I mean break down, I mean literally sobbing/crying until I can barely breathe, writhing around, cannot stop from "pushing" with my legs, arms, neck... it is debilitating (I usually end up on the floor or somewhere lying down, because I obviously would just break my neck if this all happened when I were standing up). Last night I was hurting myself so badly during my episode that my husband held my upper body tightly just to at least keep my arms and neck under control. It lasted (all the wringing and wrenching) for probably an hour and then I just cried myself to sleep. Once it gets like that I cannot even talk. I feel like an alien that is trying to speak to beings that could never understand me. The only positive part of this is that after an episode, I usually have from a week to a month before another happens. I actually managed to go from March until yesterday between them this last time.