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I have had a rough time dealing with this Bipolar issue, I was recently diagnosed, well a year ago and ever since I was diagnosed well things never have been really normal to me. I have had a rocky relationship for the last past 10 yrs of my life, I have a beautiful daughter who is suffering with High Functioning Autism, and to top it off I have Bipolar/ Manic Depressive Disorder. I have tried and tried to beat this battle but it seems I can't win! I have a new boyfriend in my life, we have been together off and on for the past 2 yrs. At first he was very understanding of me because when we first met he didn't know what I had because I hid it from the world!!
When he first noticed an epsisode he told me I needed help and if i didn't get the treatment he was going to leave, So I decided to give it a try. 1 yr in and I have been on so many different types of medication I have lost count..none of them truly helped actually it made matters worse for both of us. We have in the last 2 yrs broken up 3 times because of it. I wonder sometimes if it was just me or was it him too? Apparently he thinks it was all me. Well of course thats typical to pass blame. But as I looked back on it I know i was influenced in many ways by loved ones who I trusted, So looking back I knew I was the blame for most of the break-up. I couldn't help it honestly, I took all the meds as directed but I turned into a different person, a zombie if you call it. I just couldn't handle taking 8 different meds everyday, I mean who would.
So now here in the present day I'm still with him and for the past yr he has pressured me into working which isn't a bad idea now that I look at it, but back then I was a terrified mess...Did he care? I don't really know and not so sure he did about me suffering with this horrible illness. I'm not trying to throw a pity party for myself but I mean Bipolar destroys lifes if not treated properly and me for instance was not treated with the right medications. So now for the past 3 months I have been doing soooo much better, I just starting taking Lamictal and it has helped tremendously I must say. Yet.....My relationship with my soon and suppose to be fiance is still horrible..I feel better I still have mood swings but hell I'm trying to handle all of this at once I would like to be supported by the person you love and want to marry. Only I'm getting the feeling he dosen't want to deal with this or me for that fact anymore! I'm so confused, he controls me, he downs me at times, and he uses my sickness against me. Basically I feel tricked into believeing it's just me all the time and I know for a fact it is not!!!! I feel manipulated all the time and made to feel bad, like as if I have to wake up everyday and defend something I can't help.
I don't want to be depressed anymore I have been since my childhood and I want to start living a full and productive life but I don't seem to know how to let him or the things that depress me GO!! If anyone out there has some advice I would gladly appreciate a response.
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