Your right, i cant focus on one thing..its so hard not to though when no one knows what is going on with you so its like i grasp at a disease like grasping at straws just trying to figure out whats going on with me. Im a CNA too and that really really doesnt help...not only do i know too much information but ive seen diseases..especially neurological ones at work and they arent pretty...and im terrified. Absolutely, off my rocker, through the door petrified. Im 22 and my doctor just told me i very likely have a neurological disease that can...and probably will render me unable to take care of myself. I dont want that..not that anyone would of course...I called my doctor today to let them know i have no insurance but they still want to me go to the appointment july 2nd and i will get a reference to the larger hospital..im guessing...its just ive had this mystery disease for over two years and i cant take it anymore im gonna scream....i just want to know what it is...ill stand on my head(ill try) ill try and run up and down roads, quack like a duck...ill do whatever he asks me to do to get a dang diagnosis..two years of people calling me crazy, yelling at me and making fun of me for not being able to do things i should be able to do or the guilt, massive extreme guilt for not being able to take care of my son by myself. I should have waited for a diagnosis before bringing him into this world. I dont regret him for a second!!!!! Im just afraid as his mother i failed him and thats the last thing i want. I love him soo much and i want whats best for him but a useless mother to weak to get off couch to tuck him in at night is just wrong. sorry..now im having a pity party ....lol i cant seem to just be happy and be done with it.