I used to be into bondage and spanking. That was before therapy so in my case it was definately a cry for help. I would put myself into situations simular to what happened to me as a child. At the time I didn't remember what had happened to me so I think it may have been a subconcious attempt to make myself aware of my past.

On the other hand my self injury is for a different purpose. It stems from the need to reduce the emotional pain that I endure. It is a type of distraction I suppose. I am trying to set the feeling of SI next to the feelings I had during bondage to compare what I got from each of them. Bondage would take me to a very dark place that was heavy, like being wrapped in a heavy wool blanket. It was warm and it was safe because I somehow knew I would survive. I know that sounds bizarre but it took me to the survivor in me. SI however is lighter. It brings me from that dark place and releases me from the pain of that place.

Since therapy and exploring what happened to me when I was young I have lost the desire to participate in alternative sexual acts. It is my hope that as I get better I can fully come away from that dark place and be free of SI as well.
Carrie

<font color=green>Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door.--Emily Dickenson