Hey there Shaoli

You have a lot going on, sorry you are so stressed. I know what it's like to be told "Oh just go take a pill!" or "You're crazy!" and other petty and degrading comments like that. When in the grip of depression of any kind it is just so devastating and other things they say are almost gutting. I have an ex-husband who is an ex because he did those things, and others.

Do you have a therapist? A counsellor? I would really suggest one because they are people who can help you to get a handle on everything so that it isn't so upsetting and so that you can be the one in control.

We do get a tad paranoid at times and we get very sensitive to accusations and even worse things like arguments happen if we feel we are not supported and are actually blamed for having the disorder; like it is something we actually control and work on to make bigger. And telling them doesn't seem to make a difference.

One thing we have problems with before we get theraputic help is that we either blame ourself for everything or we blame someone else for everything. There needs to be a balance between that and instead of a blame game, there needs to be a healing action. I've done well because my partner is good to me, he understands what I am like and he knows that I need help with certain things. What I can do I do, what I can't do he does, and things I'm learning to do we do together.

I would't be thinking of getting engaged or married if the relationship is so horrible because being married isn't going to change a thing, in fact in some instances it can make things worse.

Take things slow and work on what you can, but get help to do it so that you are not there alone and backslide without having someone there to pick you up, that is what therapists do and that is what people who love you do...

Loving thoughts,

Rhiannon