That's a very big "if." The vast majority of abusers never admit to being abusers. It is "never" their fault; but always the fault of the victims, who "deserve it" or "push them into it." Or they outright deny that any abuse even happened. The victim "misunderstood," or is "lying" or "delusional" or "oversensitive." If the victim has mental illness, I've seen it used to the abuser's advantage. "Don't believe her, officer. She's crazy. She doesn't know what she's talking about."

IF he were to acknowledge having abusive tendencies (which is highly unlikely), and IF he were to undergo years of therapy and hard work to overcome it (which is even less likely), then and only then *might* he change. But why waste your life waiting for that to happen, when you can find a man who will treat you with the respect you deserve, right from the get-go? Contrary to what some of us have experienced, after all, abusers are a small minority of the population. Most people are normal.

Which leads me to: I was raised in an environment of child abuse, and I married into spouse abuse, but I eventually found myself a normal man. Why couldn't I find one sooner, if most people are normal and not abusers? For several reasons:

1.) I didn't think I "qualified" for a normal, non-problematic man, since I have issues myself. I thought it was unfair and presumptuous of me to expect a boyfriend or husband who did not also have major issues.
2.) Like most victims/survivors, I thought the abusive behavior was "normal," or else I made excuses to justify it. For example, I married my first husband *after* I'd seen him slap his own mother's face. And this was a woman who could barely walk--she was in the latter stages of MS. How did I justify it? Well, she was very difficult to get along with. Her mouth worked just fine, and oh boy did she use it. There were times I'd been tempted to slap the woman myself. But it was no excuse. **Being tempted and doing it are two very different things.** What made me think, if I married a man who would slap his own mother, that he wouldn't slap me too, if he got angry? He certainly did. Abusers will abuse anyone they're with. They are abusers. That's what they do.
3.) IMPORTANT: To a person who is accustomed to abuse and drama, life with a normally healthy partner seems boring. Abusers come on like a whirlwind and sweep us off our feet. It took me years to figure out, the boring men are the ones we want. They are the ones who will respect us, give us space when we need it, comfort us when we're down, and let us grow as human beings.

And *everyone* deserves that.