My point with saying my father is not good looking is not that I care about what other people look like, I just don't like my father. He's been very cruel to me in the past. My father is not married with children and with a job, he is a dug dealing alcoholic who didn't even know which person I was talking about when I told him my mothers name because he's slept with so many women, and questioned if I was even his daughter when he asked if I had ever had sex a few hours after meeting him, because no child of his doesn't like sex.
I don't want to see his pathetic face when I look in the mirror.
And when you've been judging yourself like that for so long and told nobody it's very hard to get out of that state of mind. I don't want to look in the mirror and cry. I want to be good enough, but I am not. Do I think looks are important? No. Do I think MY looks are important? Yes. Can I see the irony in that? Yes. But seeing as I've spent more money on products to make me look better than I have on food this week, I have a problem. It's already been 10 years of long days.